Breaking the cycle
Breaking mental health taboos through family letters and your non-emergency, emergency kit
Author: Natacha Manomaiphan | Artwork: Jae
FEAR WEAVES between the spaces of unprocessed negative emotions and is often associated with feelings of shame and guilt according to psychologist Anushka Phal. Growing up, I witnessed the adult figures in my life distance themselves from their negative emotions. They received admiration and respect for their tolerance to adversity and were somehow seen as ‘strong’. Growing up, negative emotions were somehow seen as a form of ‘weakness’, a taboo — glorified, stigmatised, and burrowed deep down enough that it took away the responsibility of our own emotions.
Jae
Vita & Virginia, 2021, multimedia collage
I was listening to the Asian Mental Health Podcast by Shapes and Sounds one afternoon when I learnt that, according to a 2008 study in the United States, an alarming 6.9% of Asian international students access university mental health services versus 45.2% of local students. I was shocked and yet not at all surprised — thinking back to my childhood and what support looked like for my parents, their parents, and our community. Witnessing religion weaved in moments of grief, hope, and guilt. Witnessing substance consumption as a common practice for temporary in-the-moment relief. This statistic speaks loudly to the stigma and taboo nature, around accessing mental health services and how this mindset limits people from accessing the help that they need. I suppose the challenge we all face is deciding whether ‘it is what it is’ or set out to break the cycle and reduce the stigma of mental health taboos.
DEAR MUM AND DAD
When I was young, I wrote handwritten letters to my parents. I was around 10 years old when I wrote my first letter. It read, ‘I’m sorry for screaming at you dad…’. I found safety in writing letters. It was, and still is, my safe space. A space that little old me needed to give my words a voice, a space to process her emotions, and a way to connect with her parents.
Writing letters has sparked laughable moments, where 15-year-old Tacha was too stressed from homework and had the audacity to try and negotiate skipping school. To which my mum graciously replied, ‘Unfortunately, we have to face our goals head-on’. Today, writing letters is the space I hold to voice how much I care for my loved ones. Today, it arrives in the form of a birthday or graduation card. It’s a family tradition, and it all started with a letter.
Dear mum and dad is dedicated to our readers, a space for them to speak freely to their parents. We asked our readers ‘What is something you’ve always wanted to say to your parents but haven’t had the chance to?’ and here is what they had to say. For privacy reasons, we’ve chosen to keep the responses anonymous.
“When I moved out for a brief period and would visit on the weekend, it was sweet of you guys to pack me food though I never shared how I felt.”
“I’ve been dealing with severe anxiety and stress lately, but I’m not brave enough to tell them that I’m struggling because I’m an older daughter and I have to be strong enough, so they don’t need to worry too much about me.”
YOUR NON-EMERGENCY, EMERGENCY KIT
A short and simple list of mental health resources that have meaningfully impacted my healing journey. I hope these resources help you on your mental health journey.
